Sam was held in the general prison population. Clearly, he did not belong there. After calls to the district attorney’s office from his grandmother, Sam was released. He was nonverbal for six days. His grandmother and I filed a complaint with the San Antonio Police Department.

We wanted change. I prepared a list of recent court cases in which sheriff’s offices were sued for injury and/or murder of people with autism. Subsequent meetings followed, and other disability group advocates joined us, along with officers and the lead trainer of cadets from the Crisis Intervention Team, which supports first responders in encounters with people with disabilities.

[Download: Free Autism Evaluation Checklist]

Police Training to Better Recognize Neurodivergent People

Among our requests: We wanted police to provide more training to police officers, lessen their sensory footprint (using sirens or flashing lights only when necessary), and place fidgets and cards with visual representations of commands in their squad cars for interactions with impaired individuals. We also wanted to forge a connection between local police precincts and families with children who have ADHD and autism. If your child is nonverbal or experiences a mental health disorder, the local police officers should know who they are.

My organization, Family ADDventures, is now working with two nonprofits, Any Baby Can and Autism Community Network, to revamp training about autism and mental health conditions for all local police cadets. Family ADDventures is also working with a police training company to develop a national training program on neurodivergence for police and emergency responders.

My advice to advocates looking to make changes in their local police departments: Start by offering support. Our officers deserve to know their work is valued. Family ADDventures created a program wherein local bakeries and businesses share treats and information with officers before they start their night shift. It’s a small step toward building bridges.

Another word of advice for advocates: Understand your city’s complaint procedure and file when appropriate. If there is no movement on your complaint, read it as testimony at your county council meeting. Know how your city operates so you can show up and make noise. Timing and persistence matter.

[Download: The Truth About Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults]

Visit FamilyADDventures.com to learn more about neurodiversity training for your organization

Police Training & the Neurodivergent Community: Next Steps

• Download: The ADHD-Autism Link
• Read: Prepare Your ADHD Driver for Traffic Stops
• Read: What Are Signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder in Adults

*Sam is not his real name.

Nicole Santiago, M.ED., is a disability advocate with ADHD. She is the founder of Family ADDventures.

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At 44, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, my neuropsychologist warned me that telling my family about it, given the personal background I provided, might not be the wisest idea.

Before I brought up ADHD to my family, they never questioned my previous medical diagnoses: migraines, a root canal, COVID-19, two bunionectomies, and two staph infections. My understanding of my health conditions was never challenged until it came to ADHD, when a single family member politely undermined my medical diagnosis, my grasp of reality, and my intelligence.

Why the ADHD denial?

To Deny ADHD Is to Uphold a Fraught Reality

Those who dismiss ADHD, I gather, often do it as an act of self-preservation. To deny ADHD is to avoid uncomfortable truths about opportunity and success.

From the moment small children can comprehend language, adult authority figures tell them that if they follow specific steps, a particular outcome is very likely or guaranteed. “Work hard, and you’ll get good grades.” “Success is no accident.”  “Practice makes perfect.” This rigid, unforgiving logic is the very foundation of the American Dream and a common justification not to help each other. Athletes, actors, musicians, authors, artists, scientists, and other recipients of professional honors, wealth, and prestige will parrot the same talking points.

[Read: Why It Hurts When Neurotypicals Claim an “ADHD Moment”]

My parents and teachers reiterated these adages too. All of my siblings ardently followed this advice, and they were richly rewarded for their legitimate hard work: private boarding schools in England, Ivy League graduate degrees, high incomes, networking with wealthy families, and professional achievements.

Not for me or the other one in 20 children in the 1980s who had ADHD, though.

The people who champion these simplistic platitudes don’t realize or account for the fact that learning isn’t that simple for those of us who are wired differently. If an undetected and untreated developmental disability stymied my academic and professional achievements – instead of my alleged lazy, unmotivated, unintelligent, and scatterbrained behaviors – then the reality for my family and all the other people who genuinely think they worked hard is shattered.

Despite steps to mitigate the effects of disability discrimination, this country still wrestles with the fact that not all opportunities for success are equal, especially in highly competitive, driven environments. Most upsetting is the fact that ADHD runs in families, meaning that “bad” genetics can threaten to upend one’s previously positive self-image and long-held beliefs about intelligence. The inability to accept reality, such as loved ones clinging to stigma over facts, takes hold in families and denies the possibility for compassion, empathy, and proper treatment.

Covert Denial and Faux Concern

I’ll give these skeptics and critics some credit: they know outright denials or rejections of an ADHD diagnosis are no longer socially acceptable. They really don’t want to appear brazenly ignorant by contradicting a widely recognized neurodevelopmental disorder.

[Read: “Is ADHD Really Real?” 6 Ranked Responses to ADD Skeptics]

What’s the “better” response? Very respectful, palatable contradictions that are cloaked in faux concern and passive-aggressive denial. “Being fidgety is normal in children, but now it’s a ‘condition!’” “The inability to focus and concentrate probably isn’t really ADHD.” “All of this ADHD nonsense is only a flashy trend.” “Is the rise in diagnoses social media’s fault?” In my case, I got the question, “Did you take this, um, ADHD test online? Because that’s not how diagnostic testing works.”

ADHD skeptics and critics don’t want to face the fact that one of the driving reasons neurotypical people flourished in life is because academic and workplace environments are mostly set up so only neurotypical people could thrive and prosper.

If there had ever been a proactive, organic nationwide movement to acknowledge and understand disabilities and work to equalize the playing field, then the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act wouldn’t need to exist. Thankfully, legally mandated disability accommodations expand the chances of success to more people in the workplace, classroom, and other fields. However, with change comes unpredictability. Insecurity and fear drive prejudices and make ADHD accommodations difficult to obtain.

As for my family member who repeatedly attacked the credentials and professional licensure of the neuropsychologist who diagnosed me, I eventually got somewhat of an apology. “I think it’s really good you found ADHD. All of… that seems to be helping you.” I had no idea I had it so good.

ADHD Is Real: Next Steps

• Free Download: How Common Is ADHD in Adults?
• Read: The Definition of ADHD — Myths & Truths
• Read: The Controversy That Was Adult ADHD

Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on Twitter and at mariareppas.com.

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“Procrasti-cleaning” is most appealing when I’m faced with a project that isn’t clear-cut. Cleaning feels like a comparatively easy win. If I spend five minutes tidying up my desk, it will look visibly improved. Five minutes of writing, however, doesn’t always leave me feeling like I’ve made any progress.

Having an easily distracted brain doesn’t help. As someone with ADHD, I spend a lot of my day modulating my attention. I notice, and then subsequently choose to ignore, many potential distractions. These distractions come from within (e.g., the spark of new ideas, recalling items on my to-do list) and elsewhere (e.g., stray socks on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink).

[Read: Why the ADHD Brain Chooses the Less Important Task]

It takes a lot of energy to keep focused on a task that doesn’t excite me. I can feel my thoughts ping-ponging, bouncing around the walls of my head. My mind desperately seeks anything – even cleaning – on which to latch.

Giving in to procrastination, even if it’s in the form of something productive like cleaning, doesn’t usually feel good. But one day – when facing another complex project that I dreaded – I asked myself, what if I give into my impulse to escape, but for a limited period?

I set a timer for 10 minutes and went on a cleaning and organizing spree. I let myself go wherever I felt, addressing anything that triggered me: a napkin that had fallen on the floor, laundry that needed to be put away, unpaid bills, texts that needed to be sent.

After the timer rang, I got to work on some writing. I felt noticeably calmer and focused because my space was tidier and less distracting. And having a small win from cleaning gave me the dopamine boost I needed to sit down for less linear work.

[Read: Stop Dodging That Dreaded Task! 9 Ways to Halt Avoidance Procrastination]

I now follow this practice regularly, especially after dropping off my youngest at preschool, when I have a couple hours to get some higher-level work done. Starting off my free time with puttering allows me to clear my mind and space first, which inevitably makes the rest of my time more productive.

Another benefit to The 10-Minute Putter? It feels a bit like unmasking. A lot of us with ADHD (women, especially) have learned to mask our stereotypically ADHD characteristics because they make us seem less responsible, intelligent, or successful. When I putter, I get to operate however I want, without the usual confines to which I restrict myself.

The next time you have a daunting project or a moment in which you don’t know where or how to start, I invite you to pull out a timer and putter (or procrasti-clean) for 10 minutes. I hope it helps you unleash more momentum, focus, and creativity in your work and life.

Productive Procrastination and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: How to Stimulate Your ADHD Brain When Dopamine Dips
• Read: When Procrastination Is OK
• Read: How to Set Intentions to Crush Procrastination

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Why am I like this? Why is everything such a struggle?

These are the questions that would plague me as soon as I’d wake up. There would be an avalanche of tumbling thoughts accompanied by fruitless resolutions to do better today than I did yesterday and most of the days of the past 50 years of my life.

Shoulds and have-tos mounted before I even sat up in bed. Procrastination began immediately. Today, I’d proclaim, I’ll start getting ready as soon as I have my coffee. But… I didn’t. Merely getting into the shower was a battle. By the time I was ready, I was already running behind. Again.

Most of the days in my life looked like this. I’m an adult, I’d tell myself. I’ve been an adult for decades. So why can’t I ever manage to plug my intentions into my motor cortex and just DO things without an epic struggle through resistance?

As Brené Brown told Tim Ferriss: “Midlife… is not a crisis. It’s a slow, brutal unraveling.” For most of my life, cycles of procrastination and panic-induced productivity got me through things — more or less. But when I reached midlife, burnout was increasingly winning these battles. My old constant companion, anxiety, was just sort of there, hanging out like the parasite it was. Cranked up to 11, yes, but what good was it if it could no longer motivate me like it used to?

The Midlife Shift

Today, when I wake up, there’s no wave of anxiety, no dread of getting out of bed. I pour a cup of coffee and sit at my window, watching the birds. I take my time in the morning. My one rule for early mornings is to not engage in screen time right after waking. I sit and sip and let my mind wander.

[Download This Free Guide to Menopause and ADHD]

After journaling and meditating, it’s time for breakfast. I get ready at my own pace. My morning routine takes a long time, but I can afford to take my time. I schedule my days to allow it, because this is what my mind and body want. This sets the tone for the day.

Then comes work. I step gently through my to-do list, taking breaks when I need to. I switch tasks, working for a short block at each. The pacing is enough to prevent boredom and frustration, while still giving each task enough time to make some progress. I’m so much more consistent than I used to be; I make a little progress on each project each day. No more default procrastination, unable to start a task until I’m right up against — or past — an appointment or a deadline, then relying on intense stress to push through.

What changed?

An ADHD Diagnosis After Menopause

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 52. Like many women with ADHD, I was diagnosed after menopause, when a drop in hormones makes symptoms much more apparent. Despite no medical professional ever spotting it before, my ADHD, as my diagnostician put it, “isn’t subtle.” He had to walk me through a meltdown over the phone when I couldn’t get through the questionnaire for my evaluation.

I’ll never forget the sense of gratification and relief I felt as I looked at his report. I read his clinical judgments for the degree of impairment for each symptom: “Severe.” “Severe.” “Severe.” Or sometimes, “Moderate to severe.”

[We Demand Attention: A Call for Research on ADHD and the Menopausal Transition]

After learning what having ADHD really meant — being wired for executive functioning difficulties — I was finally able to be compassionate and accepting toward the way I operated. My struggles and limitations started to make sense.

Starting Over

I tried a thought experiment: What if I start to regard all my supposed flaws and weaknesses — my absentmindedness, my inability to focus, the way I was always running late, how desperately hard it was to start any task — as features I simply have to work with, with no moral condemnation attached to them?

This was a major reversal from the way I had previously moved through my life. This meant starting over with a mindset that I hadn’t had since almost before my earliest memories. And with that, everything shifted.

I started to schedule around my energy levels, instead of what I thought I “should” be able to do. For example, I stopped thinking of 40-hour (or more) work weeks as somehow being optimal. Instead, I asked myself what I could do with part-time hours, so that I could live without constant burnout.

By understanding executive dysfunction and the constant fatigue of working with a very messy high-octane brain, I radically dialed back my demands of myself. I learned to work within my window of tolerance.

I stopped thinking of my energy limits as temporary obstacles, to be dismissed or plowed through. This was my wiring. It’s not going to change. This is what I have to work with.

Midlife ADHD and Menopause: Next Steps

• Free Download: Women, Hormones, & ADHD
• Read: ADHD Impairment Peaks in Menopause
• Read: Hormonal Changes & ADHD — A Lifelong Tug-of-War

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I pack my things into my mini backpack and out the door I go. This is the beginning of a 4.75-mile rumination out in beautiful nature, with a quarter mile at the end reserved for noticing and enjoying said nature — 112 minutes of rumination and 8 minutes of awe.

Life is good. The weather is clear and welcoming. The trail is all mine. These are perfect conditions to start my dive into a deep, negative, ruminative trance. Soon I’ll be sucked into an intricately engineered inner-dialogue of ADHD angst, despair, and huffy ire — exactly what you’d want to be doing on a walk through the open-air beauty of the outdoors.

Not.

My Ruminations: Negative ADHD Thoughts Galore

My ADHD ruminations are usually born from a simple thought that bugs me just enough to spur further thought. Soon this little bug-thought grows into a goliath insect that lumbers like a creepy thing beside me for most of my precious time on the trail. Life is short. Trail walks are even shorter. Ruminations are hungry wasps that will eat up all my time if I let them.

My walking ruminations tend to be hypothetical conversations with people in my life — central or peripheral. I invent their words and my responses to them. None of it is real, it’s negative or positive, and it continues unabated because it feels impossible to halt.

[Read: 9 Calming Strategies for a Racing, Restless Mind]

At times, my ruminations are practice-talk for the future, which can be a good thing. I might practice what I’d say in a personal conversation, an ADHD coaching session with a client, or a presentation. These are helpful. Other times, these imaginary dialogues bring me down because they trash the opportunity to be positive. They invent and reinforce worst-case scenarios. They also trick my brain into thinking that my life really is a negative soup — all based on a complete fabrication.

It’s a Pattern: Putting a Stop to Negative Thoughts

Ruminations take over my mind and it feels as if I have no choice — but I do. But how do I choose if I don’t always realize I have options?

In the book ADHD 2.0, Edward Hallowell, M.D., and John Ratey, M.D., explain how our ADHD brains spend more time in the Default Mode Network (DMN) than does a non-ADHD brain. This DMN is where we generate our creative thinking — for better and for worse. My active DMN is what the trees along my walking trail can thank for my loud kvetching as I pass by.

But I knew all this and yet kept walking and fretting. Then, one day, a wave of nostalgia hit me when a song came on my phone during one of my rumination walks. It was a song I listened to during my COVID walks when the world shut down. Just as it did on those pandemic walks, the tune sparked in me a practiced response: teary-eyed sadness.

[Read: How to Stop Overthinking Things — A User’s Manual for Your ADHD Brain]

Then it hit me: Wait a second. There is no sad situation right now. COVID and that challenging time is over. That song was sparking an old, habituated response and it dawned on me that this was akin to what my ruminations do. They spur in me a practiced response to something that isn’t there. It’s a mirage, fake, not true. It showed me how far from reality my mind can stray, and how easily and quickly it gets there.

“Steph,” I said, “you don’t have to practice this response all the time. You don’t have to practice it at all.”

So, on that walk, I didn’t. I let it go. I squelched the beginnings of a new rumination. I quieted my mind because suddenly I saw that my reality was quite peaceful and secure. There were trees and birds. There was sun and a special time I could spend in nature. In that moment, I moved from ruminator extraordinaire to grateful me because, for once, I could just be without the struggle. I can’t describe how freeing that was.

Ruminating Thoughts and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: 9 Truths About ADHD and Intense Emotions
• Read: How to Stop Catastrophizing — A Guide for ADHD Worriers
• Read: ADHD Lessons from Ultrarunning — Accept Help and Support Your Needs
• Read: Putting a Stop to Toxic Thoughts

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For most of my life, I did not have the knowledge I needed to understand myself and counterbalance pervasive negative messaging that made me feel inherently defective and ashamed. Post-diagnosis, it still takes a lot of effort to notice and rectify harmful, anti-neurodivergent messaging from those close to me and from wider society.

I’ve been on a journey to drain my seemingly bottomless pool of shame, and it’s not a linear process. There are days I revert to child-me, hiding in my bathroom, feeling small, powerless, and voiceless. What helps me is to speak to that little girl and tell her all the things I wish I heard growing up — things that would have helped me break the difference = shame equation that crystallized in my young mind.

Dear Younger Self: What All Girls with ADHD Need to Hear

1. You are strong. Strength is not the absence of fear. Strength is having fears and going outside your comfort zone anyway. It takes strength and courage to show your vulnerability. Your differences, challenges, and even your perceived blunders are signs of strength and determination!

2. There’s no singular “right way” of doing things. There are many ways to do things and many paths to get you where you want to go.

[Read: What Are the Consequences of Late-Life ADHD Diagnoses for Women?]

3. Some things are super hard, and you can ask for help if you need it. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are a failure, or that you are weak or a burden to others. I know you want to push through all on your own, because people always tell you to “try harder” or “have more discipline,” which makes you feel guilty. To be honest, that’s bad advice because they don’t know how hard you’re trying. I really need you to not be so hard on yourself, to learn to ask for help – everyone struggles with some things in life and it’s OK. And when you find yourself struggling, remember that you have plenty of other strengths and skills to celebrate!

4. Trust yourself! Your intuition – it is trustworthy. Your feelings – they are valid. Your voice – you don’t need permission to use it, and it’s OK to struggle to express yourself verbally; it’s something that takes practice and you’ll get better at it.

5. Shame tells us to hide. Don’t. Look it in the eye, say no, thank you, and tell it to leave. I know you try hard to be a “good girl” and make your parents proud, but it’s OK to break out of the mold and color outside the lines. You have a right to claim space. You have things to show and teach the world! Let people know the real you!

6. You are not alone in your feelings. If you feel lonely, insecure, or misunderstood, chances are others do, too! Sometimes you can have a lot of feelings, and it can be tough to contain them all. When you share how you feel, it helps you make sense of your emotions. And you give others the chance to help you, and to share their vulnerabilities.

[Read: 42 Raw Confessions from Women with ADHD]

7. It’s a beautiful thing to be a sensitive soul. You feel things deeply, you tune into people’s emotions, and wear your heart on your sleeve. That’s not a bad thing, though it does mean you can feel hurt and rejected when others don’t treat you the way you want to be treated. Just remember people have different levels of sensitivity. Some people struggle to be sensitive, while you have easy access to this quality and the gifts it presents, like being creative and empathetic.

8. Don’t try to be like everyone else. It’s normal to want to fit in with others, especially when you are growing up. But people love you for who you are. They love your light, your creativity, your uniqueness. Continue being your playful self!

9. You don’t need to be perfect to be loved. You are enough. Just the way you are. Enjoy the process rather than focusing on the results. Embrace imperfection — it will teach you to let go of self-criticism. It’s totally OK to be imperfect and to fail, and you will still be loved and accepted for who you are.

10. I am proud of you. Your value is not in what you achieve, but in who you are as a person. Your heart and your spirit. I am proud of who you are. I am proud of you for always trying things even though they may be hard for you.

11. I love you!

Spoiler alert: I still struggle and I don’t have it all figured out. I still need to repeat these nuggets of advice to myself each day. But the imaginary exercise of speaking to my younger self has helped me to understand where my limiting beliefs came from and to choose the words that help change my narratives.

Unlearning ingrained thought patterns is hard work. But repeating these things to myself and being my own advocate has made me kinder to myself and more authentically me. I hope it helps you, too.

I also made a comic about this very topic! You can read it in full here.

Healing Your Inner Child: Next Steps

• Read: “Dear 10-Year-Old Me, Just Be You.”
• Join ADDitude’s Call! We Demand Attention on Sex Differences in ADHD
• Read: Stop the Cycle of Shame for Girls with ADHD
• Read: How to Raise a Self-Confident Daughter

Illustrations courtesy of Juliette Yu-Ming Lizeray.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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The Benefits of Play

Play – engaging in a fun, amusing, entertaining, activity for the joy of it – is an effective way to boost the feel-good hormone dopamine that so many ADHD brains crave. Dopamine reduces stress and brings calm, promotes creativity and cooperation, and even reduces inflammation. Play can also individuals help break out of hyperfocus, which can lead to ADHD burnout if left uninterrupted. Play allows the body and mind to rest, process, and restore its energy to make it through another day.

Fitting in Play

Play isn’t just for children. It’s as important as everything else on your to-do list. But what counts as play? According to Peter Gray, Ph.D., the psychologist and author, play is:

[Read: The Perils of All Work, No Play]

• self-chosen and self-directed
• intrinsically motivated rather that outcome based
• guided by mental rules that leave room for creativity
• imaginative
• conducted in an alert, active, but relatively non-stressed frame of mind

The possibilities for play, it seems, are endless! All things creative and artistic fit – from playing an instrument and painting to building puzzles and making up games. Still, integrating play through the day can seem impossible with a busy schedule. In her TEDx Talk “Play: The Cure for Burnout,” Acey Holmes, CEO of BoredLess, suggests weaving play into everyday situations and responsibilities to make them interesting or entertaining. Some ideas include the following:

• Listen to your favorite music while doing chores or work duties – and perhaps break out in dance while you’re at it.
• Institute play breaks in between tasks. One of my clients loves the Paint by Number coloring app to let her mind wander creatively through the day. Setting an alarm may prevent your mind from wandering so far off track that it can’t return.
• In the spaces where you get work done, introduce appealing scents and imagery you find fun or inspiring.
• Equip your workspace with toys (anything from LEGOs to fidgets) that light up your brain.
• Play a harmless prank on family members to get everyone’s laughter going.

Whichever way you integrate play into your life, know that it is a powerful way to manage stress and increase productivity and joy — ADHD or otherwise. Even if things feel overwhelming, try looking for at least one way to play each day. You may be surprised by how easy it is to rediscover play once you pay attention to it.

Portions of this post were inspired by my book: Powered by ADHD: Strategies and Exercises for Women to Harness Their Untapped Gifts.

How to Be Playful: Next Steps

• Read: 7 Keys to Living a Happy Life with ADHD
• Read: 5 Ways to Play Away ADHD Boredom
• Read: Are You a Player?

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

References

Quintero, Olga L., et al. “Autoimmune disease and gender: plausible mechanisms for the female predominance of autoimmunity.” Journal of autoimmunity 38.2-3 (2012): J109-J119.

Brauer, K., Scherrer, T., & Proyer, R. T. (2021). Testing the Associations Between Adult Playfulness and Sensation Seeking: A SEM Analysis of Librarians and Police Officers. Frontiers in psychology, 12, 667165. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.667165

Earning my doctoral degree was no easy feat. From navigating social interactions and managing sensory sensitivities to coping with a learning disability, every step felt like a battle against the odds. I came face-to-face many times with imposter syndrome, intrusive thoughts, and task paralysis.

But with unwavering support from mentors and peers – along with my own inner strength and a desire to make a change – this journey ultimately become one of triumph, resilience, and unrelenting advocacy.

[Read: “Could I Be Autistic, Too?” Signs of Autism in Women with ADHD]

A Novel Tool to Improve Workplace Inclusivity

During my Ph.D. research, I became acutely aware of the lack of understanding and support for individuals with invisible disabilities in the workplace and its consequences. Too often, stigma and stereotypes prevent talented individuals from reaching their full potential, leaving them feeling marginalized and misunderstood instead.

Determined to address this issue, I developed a tool for employers called the Workplace Invisible Disability Experience (WIDE) survey. This survey aims to assess the experiences of employees with invisible disabilities in the workplace by shedding light on the challenges they face and identifying areas for improvement. By collecting data and raising awareness, the WIDE survey empowers organizations to recognize and address the barriers that prevent a thriving and inclusive environment.

Advocacy’s Many Forms

Advocacy is not just about raising awareness; it’s also about action. That’s why I took the initiative to establish a disability ERG (Employee Resource Group) in my workplace. This group serves as a platform for disabled employees to come together, share their experiences, and advocate for positive change. Through awareness campaigns, training sessions, and policy initiatives, our ERG works to create more inclusive and accommodating workplaces for all.

Education is another crucial aspect of advocacy, which is why I am committed to continuing to educate and inform others about invisible disabilities. Through speaking engagements, workshops, and training sessions, I aim to dispel myths, challenge stereotypes, and promote a culture of acceptance and understanding.

[Read: How I’m Improving the Workplace for Adults with Autism]

I am most excited to be a speaker at AutisticaPalooza, a multi-day conference that delves into a diverse range of topics by and for autistic women. By sharing my own experiences and insights, I hope to inspire others to embrace neurodiversity and work toward a more inclusive future.

A Transformative Journey

Completing my Ph.D. was just the beginning of my transformative journey of self-discovery, resilience, and empowerment. As I continue to advocate for change, I am driven by a vision of a world where individuals with invisible disabilities are valued, respected, and empowered to reach their full potential. I am confident that together, we can create a more inclusive and equitable world for all.

Autism Advocacy: Next Steps

• Free eBook: The Guide to Autism in Adults
• Read: An Open Conversation with Temple Grandin
• Read: ADHD and Adult Autism – Symptoms, Diagnosis & Interventions for Both
• Read: “A Living Contradiction” Stories of the AuDHD Experience

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Distance runners anticipate difficulties and know to support themselves in any way possible to get to the finish line. It’s a given – they don’t think twice about it and don’t get hung up on it, either.

In our daily lives, especially as folks with ADHD, we fall into the trap of thinking we don’t need help, or that we’re wimpy if we accept help or create supportive structures for ourselves. Others don’t need this, we think.

Here’s that flawed logic applied to running: Why does the newbie runner need to stop and rest every half mile? The ultrarunner can go many miles before needing to stop. Therefore, the newbie must be a wimp, or worse, incapable.

A non-runner might assume this of a newbie, but ultrarunners know this couldn’t be farther from the truth. An early runner has needs, just as a later-stage runner does. Needs are needs.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

Once five miles becomes easy-peasy for the early runner, they realize they only arrived at that point because they gave themselves what they needed to be someone who can run five miles. With that experience, they’ll readily tell the next newbie runner to make sure to stop and rest the legs and heart every half mile. It’s the only way to get to five miles.

Needs are Needs: When Ultrarunning Meets Real Life

This logic – of supporting our needs to become who we want to be – applies to anything and everything. If we accept a tutor to help us, then eventually we’ll be someone who got through a class instead of one who didn’t. If we fully show up to therapy or coaching, then we eventually become someone who tackles the challenges in front of us instead of skirting them. If we externalize the content of our brains with systems, we become someone who forgets less rather than someone who continues to forget.

Guess who all these early-stage self-supporters become? People who make inroads into becoming the kind of person who has wins, and those wins beget more wins. The more support, the more wins.

I got to the point in my abilities as a runner that I would have said yes, without a second thought, if you asked me to run a 50-miler the following weekend.

When you read the prior sentence, did you picture me as someone who was so trained that I needed a lot less than an early-stage runner? I’ll let you in on a secret: I was a running diva. I had far more available at hand than an early-stage runner could imagine was possible. The more experienced I got, the more I learned how much support was out there to take for myself — and I took it.

[Read: My 25 Rules for Life — a Practical Cure for ADHD Shame and Stagnation]

I say this all the time to people: Do you think successful people have more support or less? They have far more, and it’s because they’re more likely to ask for it and give it to themselves.

Why would it be any different for us when the road to success means we’ll need to support our ADHD and account for our needs?

It wouldn’t.

The Long Haul with ADHD

Remembering to hand in work, showing up on time at work, getting out of a rabbit hole, staying on task, organizing our workspace, regulating our emotions — these are our daily five-mile runs.

Graduating from school, nabbing a promotion at work, becoming an accomplished person, becoming a person who has practiced options for staying calm in stressful situations — these are our long-distance runs.

The only way to become a champion — in anything — is to give ourselves what we need to push through. As you run your own race, take any and all support without question, without apology. That’s a champion mindset.

ADHD Life Lessons: Next Steps

• Read: 20 Rules to Live By — My ADHD Life Guide
• Read: Sports Psychology Tricks That Work for ADHD Brains
• Read: Your Strengths Inventory — Repairing Self-Esteem After an ADHD Diagnosis

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In 2014, I experienced a heartbreaking loss when my dear friend, Erin, essentially a sister to me, tragically took her own life at age 17. Erin was a remarkable individual filled with spunk, love, and empathy. Despite her supportive family, try-anything attitude, and impressive musical and culinary talents (her pasta dishes were truly legendary!), Erin struggled with social challenges and making friends. She was often excluded from weekend plans and parties, and she lacked a peer confidante to share her joys and passions. The complexities of social interaction, so effortless to neurotypical individuals, were often a puzzle for Erin — a reality she lived daily and felt deeply.

Making Friends with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Out of the tragedy of her death emerged Erin’s Hope for Friends, a non-profit organization dedicated to fostering friendships among individuals with ASD. At Erin’s Hope for Friends, we believe in the profound impact of genuine connections. True friends accept you for who you are, quirks and all, providing a sanctuary free from judgment. Finding friends who embrace each individual’s differences can be transformative, instilling a sense of belonging and confidence.

[Self-Test: Is My Child Autistic?]

Erin’s Hope for Friends offers dynamic social programs known as e’s Clubs virtually and in Atlanta, Georgia, and Lexington, Kentucky. These clubs provide a welcoming, safe space for autistic teens and young adults (ages 12 to 24) to connect and engage in various activities tailored to their interests. From Foosball to karaoke to crafts to video games, e’s Clubs offer diverse activities to foster interaction and camaraderie. If you visit a club, it only takes a very short period to witness the joy they create. Currently serving more than 500 members annually, our clubs continue to grow and thrive.

The potential for Erin’s Hope for Friends and e’s Clubs — and other groups like it —  is limitless. By expanding our reach nationwide, we aim to significantly impact the autistic community by challenging stereotypes, promoting neurodiversity acceptance, and ultimately creating a space for our members to make life-changing connections.

If you’re passionate about supporting individuals with autism in their quest for friendship and acceptance, I encourage you to check out Erin’s Hope for Friends or another similar organization. Together, we can celebrate abilities, challenge societal norms, and empower individuals to navigate the landscape of friendship with confidence and joy. After all, it just takes one good friend to change the course of a life.

Autism in the Workplace: Next Steps

• Download: Free Resource: Autism Evaluation Checklist
• Watch:  An Open Conversation with Temple Grandin – Autism Expert, Author, and Scientist
• Read: Autism and ADHD: The Complete Playbook for Social Challenges
• Blog: “I Grew Up Gifted and Autistic — and Suffered the Burnout of Twice Exceptionality”

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In my field of work, I see injustices often. My hyper-empathy and strong sense of justice drew me to this field, an area that gave me just the right amount of dopamine to help me manage well enough for many years – until things became really difficult and the stress and sadness mounted. I knew that my neurodivergent brain was making everything feel much more intense, but I wasn’t sure how to pull it all back.

One afternoon at home, burnt out, I knew I absolutely needed to clean my home despite a distinct lack of energy. I thought music would help, but this time, rather than put on Stevie Nicks, I selected a playlist at random and tried to power on. After a short time, I found myself dancing to the post punk rhythms of Siouxsie and the Banshees. My energy levels were up, and I suddenly gained the ability to do all the mundane demands I hadn’t been able to tackle for weeks.

Stumbling Into Punk Rock: A New Special Interest

I fell down a rabbit hole searching for more music that I thought might have the same effect. Cue my discovery of Riot Grrrl, grunge bands created by women, and feminist hardcore punk. In an instant, my world (and ears) became full of early ’90s bands like Babes in Toyland and Bikini Kill to more recent groups like War on Women, Lambrini Girls, and others with names too explicit to share.

Bands made up of women who fight for their voices to be heard, stay true to themselves, and don’t seem to care if they’re disliked? I had entered in to special-interest territory. I became absorbed in learning about the music, the women, and the culture they were promoting. At a time when I felt isolated and insecure and like I was losing a big part of my identity through my troubles at work, this music brought me joy and validation. It filled me with energy that I hadn’t felt for a long time and listening to it became the best and most important part of my day.

[Read: 13 Productivity Playlists to Center and Focus ADHD Brains]

Aside from the physical release of endless dancing, I found that the louder the music and vocals, the happier and calmer I felt. Any stress I was feeling reduced, and overwhelming thoughts about my inability to do something turned into figuring out how I could.

I decided to experiment with listening to something much louder. Inspired by the death and thrash metal gigs I attended in my early 20s, I found myself – now more than 10 years later – on my way, alone, to see a few hardcore punk bands at a DIY venue 50 miles away. I’d never been to a gig by myself, let alone one like this, and it gave me a buzz that ADHD just loves to pull me toward.

The evening of the gig, as I stood in the middle of the crowd and listened to the thrashing music, I experienced something I’d never experienced before: a quiet mind with no thoughts in my head. Peace. My mind was blown. Literally.

The Soothing Sounds of Hardcore Punk

I spent the next few months tracking the effects of this music on my feelings and behaviors and was amazed by the results. I found that I didn’t need as much sleep and was able to be active late into the night. I wasn’t as drawn to sugar and carbs. Overstimulation after a long day in the office was easier to tolerate, and moments of excruciating under-stimulation were few and far between. My ability to tolerate perceived rejection and criticism grew significantly. This music, it was clear, was making everything so enjoyable.

[Read: Music Therapy – Sound Medicine for ADHD]

This was not a life I was used to. It was something I had only experienced in short bursts. But here was punk music, my new special interest, giving me all the dopamine I needed to thrive. It was helping me behave in ways that were right for me, rather than being influenced by my barriers and my fears.

How do I use my special interest now to get the results I need? When I need a quick surge of chemicals to get me moving after waking up, Babes in Toyland’s Bluebell works every time. When I need to sleep, I’ll blast my thoughts away with Petrol Girls. When I’m feeling anxious or fearful at work and need to be brave, Double Dare Ya by Bikini Kill transforms my attitude and reminds me of my values. For those moments when I desperately need inner calm, I find it – in a raging hardcore gig.

AuDHD and Music: Next Steps

• Free eBook: The Truth About Autism in Adults
• Read: Does Music Focus Your ADHD Brain? Or Just Distract It?
• Read:Your ADHD Brain (Probably) Loves Brown Noise
• Read: How I Calm Down My ADHD Brain – 14 Quick De-Stressors

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The following four defense mechanisms commonly develop among individuals with ADHD:

Blaming

Blaming as a defense mechanism looks like making others responsible for the occurrence of an ADHD symptom and its consequences, as seen in the following examples:

Your child forgets that an assignment is due. The due date was posted and announced, yet they blame the teacher for not being clear enough about the deadline.

You arrive late to an event. You didn’t give yourself enough time to get there, yet you blame traffic or the slow driver in front of you for showing up late.

[Read: 7 Self-Defeating Behaviors That Aggravate ADHD – and How to Fix Them]

You forget to pay a bill. You blame your partner for mixing the bill with other papers, even though it was in your court to set a reminder for yourself to pay the bill – and put it on autopay.

Defensiveness

Responding in angry, confrontational ways that deflect from the issue rather than address it marks this defense mechanism. The following are examples of defensiveness:

Your teen arrived late to school and missed their first period class. You try to talk to them about it, but your child tells you to mind your own business or lashes out. Tensions rise.

Your partner mentions that you still haven’t cleaned out the garage like you said you would do for months now. You quickly get angry and deflect. “Well, you haven’t cleaned out your closet in a long time either,” you say. A fight breaks out, and everyone feels miserable.

[Read: Why You Lash Out — Sometimes for No Good Reason]

Minimizing

Minimizing occurs when you respond to complaints or disapproval about your ADHD symptoms by minimizing their effects on yourself or others. For example, you meet a friend half an hour later than you both planned. You notice that your friend is visibly upset, but you downplay your lateness, telling your friend “it’s no big deal.” Your friend gets even more upset, frustrated that you don’t seem to care about them or understand the effect of your actions.

Dishonesty

Not being truthful is a defense mechanism that causes lots of distress for families who are terrified about what it means about their child or partner’s character. But lying or stretching the truth, like other defense mechanisms, often come up in an effort to avoid shame and conflict. It’s also a method to save energy and avoid fatigue. (Living in a neurotypical world, after all, is exhausting.)

How to Break ADHD Defense Mechanisms

Let go of defense mechanisms by humbly owning up to ADHD symptoms as they arise.

• Know your strengths and areas of need. When do these defense mechanisms come up the most? What actions, no matter how small, can you take to manage the problem area?
• Apologize if you upset someone. As painful as it may feel to own up to an ADHD symptom, an apology shows others that you’re aware of how your actions – even if unintended – affected them. Be genuine in your apology. Say, “I’m sorry I made you wait. I should have gotten in the shower an hour earlier. I will work on that. I will text you ahead of time and let you know if I’m running late.”
• Seek to improve, not to perfect. If paying bills on time has always been a tough problem area, then a good goal would be to reduce how many bills are paid late in the next month. Aiming for improvement, not perfection, will take the pressure off and allow you to make more strides.
• Perfection doesn’t exist. ADHD symptoms and traits do not make you a bad person. Be kind to yourself and remember that there are many fabulous parts to you. Embrace your gifts and humbly acknowledge the frustrating parts and commit to working on them.

If you are the parent of a child or teen with ADHD, help them adopt the above strategies and heed these tips for parents, families, and partners:

• Take an empathetic lens. ADHD is a neurological condition that makes it hard to live up to the expectations of a neurotypical world. It’s why shame and defense mechanisms develop so quickly. Treatments and supports like medication, therapy, and coaching can help your child or spouse better manage symptoms and day-to-day challenges.
• Create an accepting environment where it’s safe to talk about ADHD and defense mechanisms. This encourages honesty and problem solving.
• Remain calm when bringing up an issue. Do not explode in anger or insult. If your partner left out a piece of wood with rusty nails near your dog’s walking area (as my ADHD husband once did), say, “I noticed you left out a piece of wood with sharp nails outside. That was upsetting and dangerous because it could hurt the dog. Please be more mindful of where you place items.”
• Be curious when symptoms go unmanaged. Together, think about how they can be better managed in the future. Look for improvement rather than expecting the issue to never happen again. Your child, for example, may still have moments where they conceal the truth to avoid punishment as a result of an unmanaged ADHD symptom. Your job is to create an environment where you won’t get upset if your child isn’t telling the truth, and work with them to manage the ADHD symptom in question.

ADHD Defense Mechanisms: Next Steps

• Free Download: How to Control Your Reactions
• Read: ADHD and the Epidemic of Shame
• Read: The Magical Thinking of ADHD Brains — and How It Drives Our Kids’ Lies

Susan Ciardiello, Ph.D., LCSW, is a psychotherapist and ADHD coach. She is the author of ACTivities for Group Work with School-Age Children and ACTivities for Group Work with Adolescents. Learn more about Dr. Ciardiello by visiting her website at www.drsusanciardiello.com

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Despite the unbearable pain and nausea associated with migraines, I attended regular work and school hours. With then-undiagnosed ADHD, untreated migraines, severe mood swings, and an unpredictable body, I completed all of my responsibilities with a smile on my face, masking the feeling of being a walking zombie. Experiencing – or rather, trying to act like I wasn’t experiencing any of it – was likely a big reason why I was diagnosed with depression before I was diagnosed with ADHD.

All Roads Lead Back to Estrogen

After my ADHD diagnosis, I poured myself into research, as I quickly learned I would need to educate myself about ADHD’s unique presentation in women. One finding that struck me was just how much hormonal fluctuations influence ADHD symptoms in women, which complicates an already-complicated picture. The villain causing all of my challenges, it seemed, was low estrogen levels.

[Get This Free Download: Hormones & ADHD in Women]

It turns out that there’s a strong relationship between estrogen and dopamine, which is one of the main neurotransmitters involved in ADHD. Low estrogen levels mean low dopamine levels. The inverse is true. When we consider that there are predictable drops in estrogen throughout the female lifespan, like right before getting a period or during perimenopause, to name a few, it means there’s a predictable worsening of ADHD symptoms, too. Low estrogen levels seem to hit us hard, which may be why premenstrual mood disorder (PMDD), a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), disproportionately affects women with ADHD.¹

But that’s not all. Low estrogen levels are also known to trigger migraines.² Could this connection explain why migraines, which are more prevalent in women, co-occur with ADHD about 35% of the time?³ As I tried to put the pieces together, I felt like a detective uncovering the mystery of my life. I finally understood why I felt so out of my body and mind in the midst of a migraine attack. I understood why, on migraine days with yet undiagnosed ADHD, it felt like there was an ineffective replacement version of me steering the ship, and the vessel that was me was constantly on the verge of collapse.

Silent Conditions

As I tried to learn more about the migraines-ADHD connection in women, I learned that, as with ADHD, research on migraines and the scientific attention given to migraines are biased with respect to gender. In Migraine: Inside a World of Invisible Pain (#CommissionsEarned), Maria Konnikova writes that, despite the disease’s prevalence, migraines receive little to no attention in medical schools. Further, Konnikova explains that Sigmund Freud can be thanked for the gender divide in migraine diagnosis. If women are suffering, it must be, quite literally, an unobservable, unexplainable phenomenon in their heads. Like ADHD, migraines are a silent and overlooked condition in women. As with my own ADHD diagnosis journey, I suffered from migraine headaches for years before going to a neurologist to finally get them treated.

[Read: Hormonal Changes & ADHD — a Lifelong Tug-of-War]

Invisible No More

In her 1968 essay “In Bed,” Joan Didion writes that the public often views migraines as “imaginary.” I argue that ADHD is often viewed similarly in women. And why wouldn’t this be the case? As long as we mask our pain and our symptoms — a habit I’m still unlearning — ADHD in women will continue to be difficult to detect. As long as the medical community dismisses the relationship between hormonal fluctuations and ADHD, women will go misdiagnosed and improperly treated.

Here’s the truth: Women with ADHD, like women with migraines and other conditions heavily tied to hormonal and dopamine imbalances, are boiling pots with ill-fitting lids that we and the people around us use to avoid being misperceived as untamed shrews. And I’d venture to guess you’re just as tired of acting as I am. Regardless of the condition, we deserve to have all of our symptoms taken seriously.

ADHD in Women: Next Steps

• Take This Self-Test: ADHD Symptoms in Women
• Read: ADHD Looks Different in Women. Here’s How — and Why.
• Read: The Fate of Females with ADHD Is Improving Too Slowly
• Learn: Menopause, Hormones, & ADHD — What We Know, What Research is Needed

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#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Sources

¹Dorani, F., Bijlenga, D., Beekman, A. T. F., van Someren, E. J. W., & Kooij, J. J. S. (2021). Prevalence of hormone-related mood disorder symptoms in women with ADHD. Journal of psychiatric research, 133, 10–15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2020.12.005

²Reddy, N., Desai, M. N., Schoenbrunner, A., Schneeberger, S., & Janis, J. E. (2021). The complex relationship between estrogen and migraines: a scoping review. Systematic reviews, 10(1), 72. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13643-021-01618-4

³Hansen, T. F., Hoeffding, L. K., Kogelman, L., Haspang, T. M., Ullum, H., Sørensen, E., Erikstrup, C., Pedersen, O. B., Nielsen, K. R., Hjalgrim, H., Paarup, H. M., Werge, T., & Burgdorf, K. (2018). Comorbidity of migraine with ADHD in adults. BMC neurology, 18(1), 147. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12883-018-1149-6

Or I was.

I used to be late for practically everything. And take it from the Queen: Being late stinks. It’s a self-sabotaging act that gave me decades of anguish, hurt, and frustration. I knew the heartache of lateness like I knew the jewels on my crown. I’d have given anything not to wear that crown, to be a commoner who — gasp — gets to appointments a few minutes early.

Following is the story of how I changed my lifelong habit of lateness practically overnight. No, this is not a clickbait story. It’s the sharing of fundamental tools that us late and time-blind folk don’t realize are out there. It’s my “eureka” story.

Step One: Time Yourself

My lateness was “cured” in 2007 at the start of the recession. My job as a tech recruiter was on shaky ground, so I pivoted and started a cleaning and residential organizing company. My sweet cousin recommended my services to her friends, who hired me. With my company and reputation now connected to my friend and family circle, I had to avoid failure at all costs. Lateness threatened it all, which meant I had to find a solution.

How was the Queen of Lateness supposed to undo a lifelong habit? I started with the only thing I could think of — measuring time itself. Rather than assume how long it took me to do something, I actually tracked myself. If you’ve never done this, I can tell you the results will shock you. It shocked me to learn that grabbing coffee, putting on my jacket, walking to the car, setting up my GPS, and backing out of my driveway took 10 minutes, not zero minutes, which is the time I always allotted.

[Get This Free Download: Get There On Time, Every Time]

This is what got me to realize why time was such a mystery to me and other folks with ADHD. Though the clock is always ticking, we don’t often account for the little, almost automatic tasks — picking out an outfit, looking over notes before a meeting, making a quick lunch – that undoubtedly use up time. Ten minutes to get out of the house may sound like small peanuts, but when you add up all the other unaccounted-for tasks through your day, that time significantly adds up.

Time yourself and you’ll see that it takes longer than “half an hour” to go from waking up to getting out the door. Google Maps can give you a good estimate of how long it takes to get from Point A to Point B, but it can’t tell you how long it takes to park, pay the meter, walk to your destination, and get inside the building. Trust me on that one.

Step Two: Accept the Numbers

This discovery, which had been hiding in plain sight all this time, shattered my world of lateness and gave me the key to a world where punctuality was possible.

But there was one last door to unlock before I truly internalized punctuality. Though I now had proof of how long tasks really took, it somehow wasn’t enough to change my ways. I had to become willing to drop my prior assumptions and adjust to reality. I had to accept that most things will take longer than I think (or hope). I had to go from an expert bargainer with time to one who submits to it.

[Read: “Why Am I Terrible – and Oddly Inconsistent – with Time Estimation?”]

At first, I protested when my time estimations, freshly calibrated, told me it would take two hours to do something I assumed I could do in one hour. But that skepticism was replaced with joy when I did what time told me to – and I was early. I became the newly crowned Queen of Punctuality. Guess what this did for my reputation and my serenity? Guess what it did for my self-concept?

I’d love for you to see what this new life feels like. When you do, you will bow to me and thank me until the end of time, which is further away than you might think.

Be on Time: Next Steps

• Free Download: Keep Track of Your Time
• Read: How ADHD Warps Time Perception
• Read: On Time Blindness and My ADHD Brain

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The truth is that ADHD is genuinely debilitating at times. For example, I’ve spent all day writing this, but it was originally meant to be a 10-minute edit.

There are days when I struggle with ADHD impulsivity in ways that seemingly mess up my life, even when I’m being careful and working on managing my impulses. I take responsibility for my actions, but I’ve also beaten myself up for years over past mistakes. These blips and slips do not represent who I am, my skills, or my true character.

[Do I Have Hyperactive Impulsive ADHD? Take This Test]

The Mistakes You Don’t Make

Neurotypical people tend to notice our mistakes first and, to a lesser degree, our ‘surprising’ success stories. What they don’t see are the mistakes and blips we stop ourselves from making. Most of our personal progress in managing our ADHD symptoms is invisible to others, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore or discount it. Even small steps in the right direction deserve recognition.

For example, I have a habit of saying things that come out the wrong way when I’m nervous. I’ll see the other person’s eyebrow go up, assume the worst, panic, and try to dig my way out. This has — and never will — work, especially at work.

To solve this, I stop, close my eyes, open them again, make eye contact, and say, “Sorry, that came out wrong, and now I feel a bit silly.” Then I smile, which is a positive cue, and ask a related question to regain the flow of the conversation.

Most people would shrug off this interaction, but when it happens, I know I’ve made progress. I try, in those moments, to recognize that I’m spending time and effort addressing ADHD traits that matter.

[Download This Free Guide to Managing ADHD and Intense Emotions]

Is It Worth Getting Upset?

Impulsive mistakes don’t define me; neither do first impressions and strangers’ opinions. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize and understand the difference between a royal screw-up that will have a long-term effect on my life and things that are just normal human errors or behaviors that temporarily irked someone.

Think about your past dramas. Do you still talk to the people whose opinions kept you up at night for months? Do you even remember what you actually said? Was it really that important to you or to them?

Chances are that awkward, little mortifying moment was the funniest part of the person’s otherwise boring day. It probably made you quite endearing to them, but you’re assuming the worst because a lifetime of criticism has exacerbated your RSD and accentuated your sensitivity.

Instead, I’d encourage you to embrace and try to enjoy your silly ADHD moments for what they are. You are not the first person to giggle at a funeral or accidentally interrupt an exciting conversation because you want in. Being a bit embarrassed is quite cute, and it’s okay to be nervous and feel silly. Everyone does it, and everyone puts ‘their foot in their mouth.’ If anything, you’ve probably replaced all the stress and tension in the atmosphere, and with some humanity and joy, and that is an invisible victory unto itself.

Embracing ADHD Impulsivity: Next Steps

• Read: “Riding Motorbikes and Contemplating Death with ADHD”
• Learn: When ADHD Impulsivity Jeopardizes Your Job and Friendships: 8 Expert Tips
• Download: How Mindfulness Helps Counteract Impulsivity

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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