Stress & Anxiety

A Conversation Guide for the Socially Anxious and Unsure

A seven-step guide to managing social anxiety at parties and other events you want to attend — and enjoy.

Caroline Maguire
By Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC Verified Updated on March 15, 2024
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Socially anxious people at a bar for a gathering.
Photo by Helena Lopes: https://www.pexels.com/photo/people-sitting-on-brown-wooden-bench-3700250/
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How to Manage Social Anxiety at Events

You’ve been invited to a party where you will know practically no one. Now what? You want to go — and will go — but you don’t want social anxiety to taint the experience.

We’ll cut to the chase: Use this quick guide to ease your nerves before and during the event so you can actually enjoy yourself in social settings.
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1. Prepare

What actions can you take to make the event go more smoothly?

  • Depart before rush hour to avoid additional stress.
  • Bring earplugs and/or sunglasses to manage sensory sensitivities.
  • Have an exit plan if it gets too crowded.
  • Plan to sit next to a familiar face.
  • Recharge before the event; have a snack, hydrate, and take a nap if needed.
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2. Center Yourself

Just before you enter the event, take a few minutes to gather yourself. Do a mindfulness activity, say an affirming phrase — anything you need to set the stage for pleasant, calm interactions.

Choose to see the event as a learning opportunity and a chance to further chip away at social anxiety. Use the following phrases to inspire positive self-talk and manage rejection sensitive dysphoria throughout:

  • “Even if I am anxious now, it will pass.”
  • “This is new, but I’m giving it a try.”
  • “I am not expecting perfection; I’m in learning mode.”
  • “This is an opportunity to possibly make new friends.”
  • “I am open to what may and may not happen in this event.”
  • “I am doing my best.”
  • “Think about how proud you’ll be for showing up.”

[Read: ADHD and the Power of Positive Thinking]
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3. Take a Lap

Instead of immediately finding a seat or settling with a group you know, walk through the event and say a quick hello to the many groups scattered throughout. Making the rounds is helpful for a few reasons:

  • You get to look at different people and see where you want to land. Notice who you’re drawn to (and who you may want to stay away from) as you scan the place.
  • There’s less pressure, since you get to keep it moving.
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4. Assume a Role

Having a role during the event makes interacting with new people and avoiding awkwardness vastly easier. Examples of roles include the following:

  • help in the kitchen (even better, ask the host ahead of time if you can bring ingredients to prepare a quick dish or beverage there)
  • serve snacks and finger foods
  • run the BBQ
  • manage the event’s sign-in sheet

Tip for future outings: Activity-oriented events, like cooking workshops, fitness classes, and volunteer events like beach clean-ups are fantastic for easing social anxiety because roles are built in, allowing you to have an excuse to socialize under no pressure.
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5. Have Questions Handy

Keep a few questions in your back pocket to help a conversation along.

  • Any plans this weekend?
  • Did you watch the game last night?
  • How do you know the host?
  • Did you hear about (insert a funny/interesting news topic)?
  • What shows are you currently watching?
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6. Catalog the Wins

Quiet negative self-talk by noticing what’s going well from the moment you enter the event. Say to yourself:

  • “I’m so glad I got here.”
  • “That chit-chat wasn’t so bad, huh?”
  • “Nice! I got myself a role.”
  • “I came up with a question on the fly!”
  • “Wow, I talked to three different people when I normally talk to no one.”
  • “The night is going better than I thought.”

[Read: My Fear of Rejection Keeps Me Socially Isolated]
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7. Avoid Post-Event Rumination

You did it! You survived the event. What you don’t want to do now is ruminate over awkward moments, slip-ups, and other parts of the event that are best left in the past. Distract your mind with a healthy, relaxing activity (like a breathing exercise, a mindfulness moment, or a quiet stroll while listening to music), and focus on what went well. If you work with a therapist, share your experience with them and use the social anxiety coping skills they’ve recommended. Remember that mistakes mean that you’re learning and putting yourself out there. Be proud that you went to the event, despite your discomfort. From here, it’ll only get easier.

How to Deal with Social Anxiety: Next Steps

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “An Adult’s Guide to Fostering Friendships with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #478] with Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., ACCG, PCC, which was broadcast on November 2, 2023.

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