At 44, when I was diagnosed with ADHD, my neuropsychologist warned me that telling my family about it, given the personal background I provided, might not be the wisest idea.

Before I brought up ADHD to my family, they never questioned my previous medical diagnoses: migraines, a root canal, COVID-19, two bunionectomies, and two staph infections. My understanding of my health conditions was never challenged until it came to ADHD, when a single family member politely undermined my medical diagnosis, my grasp of reality, and my intelligence.

Why the ADHD denial?

To Deny ADHD Is to Uphold a Fraught Reality

Those who dismiss ADHD, I gather, often do it as an act of self-preservation. To deny ADHD is to avoid uncomfortable truths about opportunity and success.

From the moment small children can comprehend language, adult authority figures tell them that if they follow specific steps, a particular outcome is very likely or guaranteed. “Work hard, and you’ll get good grades.” “Success is no accident.”  “Practice makes perfect.” This rigid, unforgiving logic is the very foundation of the American Dream and a common justification not to help each other. Athletes, actors, musicians, authors, artists, scientists, and other recipients of professional honors, wealth, and prestige will parrot the same talking points.

[Read: Why It Hurts When Neurotypicals Claim an “ADHD Moment”]

My parents and teachers reiterated these adages too. All of my siblings ardently followed this advice, and they were richly rewarded for their legitimate hard work: private boarding schools in England, Ivy League graduate degrees, high incomes, networking with wealthy families, and professional achievements.

Not for me or the other one in 20 children in the 1980s who had ADHD, though.

The people who champion these simplistic platitudes don’t realize or account for the fact that learning isn’t that simple for those of us who are wired differently. If an undetected and untreated developmental disability stymied my academic and professional achievements – instead of my alleged lazy, unmotivated, unintelligent, and scatterbrained behaviors – then the reality for my family and all the other people who genuinely think they worked hard is shattered.

Despite steps to mitigate the effects of disability discrimination, this country still wrestles with the fact that not all opportunities for success are equal, especially in highly competitive, driven environments. Most upsetting is the fact that ADHD runs in families, meaning that “bad” genetics can threaten to upend one’s previously positive self-image and long-held beliefs about intelligence. The inability to accept reality, such as loved ones clinging to stigma over facts, takes hold in families and denies the possibility for compassion, empathy, and proper treatment.

Covert Denial and Faux Concern

I’ll give these skeptics and critics some credit: they know outright denials or rejections of an ADHD diagnosis are no longer socially acceptable. They really don’t want to appear brazenly ignorant by contradicting a widely recognized neurodevelopmental disorder.

[Read: “Is ADHD Really Real?” 6 Ranked Responses to ADD Skeptics]

What’s the “better” response? Very respectful, palatable contradictions that are cloaked in faux concern and passive-aggressive denial. “Being fidgety is normal in children, but now it’s a ‘condition!’” “The inability to focus and concentrate probably isn’t really ADHD.” “All of this ADHD nonsense is only a flashy trend.” “Is the rise in diagnoses social media’s fault?” In my case, I got the question, “Did you take this, um, ADHD test online? Because that’s not how diagnostic testing works.”

ADHD skeptics and critics don’t want to face the fact that one of the driving reasons neurotypical people flourished in life is because academic and workplace environments are mostly set up so only neurotypical people could thrive and prosper.

If there had ever been a proactive, organic nationwide movement to acknowledge and understand disabilities and work to equalize the playing field, then the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act wouldn’t need to exist. Thankfully, legally mandated disability accommodations expand the chances of success to more people in the workplace, classroom, and other fields. However, with change comes unpredictability. Insecurity and fear drive prejudices and make ADHD accommodations difficult to obtain.

As for my family member who repeatedly attacked the credentials and professional licensure of the neuropsychologist who diagnosed me, I eventually got somewhat of an apology. “I think it’s really good you found ADHD. All of… that seems to be helping you.” I had no idea I had it so good.

ADHD Is Real: Next Steps

• Free Download: How Common Is ADHD in Adults?
• Read: The Definition of ADHD — Myths & Truths
• Read: The Controversy That Was Adult ADHD

Maria Reppas lives with her family on the East Coast. Visit her on Twitter and at mariareppas.com.

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Allyship serves as a powerful antidote to stigma and bias — and it comes in many forms. To understand what kinds of support are most meaningful, we asked ADDitude readers who are members of the neuroqueer community to tell us what makes a true ally. Here’s what they said:

“A loyal ally speaks up and shuts down derogatory conversations even when a targeted party isn’t present. I’m proud to be that person for people who need support.” — Christine, Ontario

“A true ally is someone who listens to you and does not judge. I’m a woman who is gay and has ADHD. As a child, I had one particular teacher in high school who took me under her wing and supported me through very turbulent times as a teenager.” — Sally, Australia

“A true ally is someone who doesn’t project rejection. People with ADHD already have plenty of that and LGBTQIA people are set up to experience that even more strongly and frequently.” — An ADDitude Reader

[Read: The Clinicians’ Guide to Serving and Protecting LGBTQIA+ Youth]

“My mom. I was accepted always, no matter what. I realized that I fall on the queer spectrum only after her passing, but the unconditional love and acceptance I experienced from her as a kid made me not give a single crap if others didn’t accept me as an adult.” — Marla, New Jersey

“There is a social group that acts as ‘adopted’ family members for LGBTQIA community members who have been shunned by their biological families. This group shows up to events such as graduations and weddings to cheer you on. Being treated with so much kindness and compassion stops the shame spiral of feeling unworthy of love and happiness.” — FJ, Ontario

“School staff that make the environment hostile to bigotry.” — An ADDitude Reader

“I am bi and have ADHD, and I’m grateful that my friend group is full of other LGBTQ+ and neurodivergent people.” — Kelsie, Mississippi

[Read: “We Are Who We Are. There’s No Shame in That.”]

“I’m a member of the LGBTQIA community and my best allies have been good listeners who make space for me to figure out how I feel and what I want to do with my life.” — Meg, North Carolina

“The people who have been the most supportive are people who deeply understand the neurodivergent experience and have taken time to listen to me and understand what it’s like to have that experience with the added layer of queerness. It’s so much more complex and all-consuming than I think non-queer and neurotypical people can realize.” — Charles, Pennsylvania

“A true ally is one who genuinely wants people to express who they are.”  — Pamela, Quebec

How to Be a Neuroqueer Ally: Next Steps

• Read: All My Friends Are Neurodivergent — and Wonderful
• Read: Happily Neurodivergent — at Last
• Read: Coping With the Stigma of ADHD

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

It’s been a year of new chapters for Jessica McCabe, the creator, writer, and star of the popular YouTube channel “How to ADHD.” In January, she published her first book, How to ADHD: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your Brain (Not Against It) (#CommissionsEarned), which quickly became a New York Times bestseller. And in March, she became a new mom.

McCabe has been called the fairy godmother of ADHD by the iconic Ned Hallowell, M.D. “The world has been waiting for this book,” he says of her debut work.

ADDitude had a candid conversation with McCabe just weeks before she gave birth. We talked about her experience and dedication to writing her book.

The Writing of “How to ADHD”

ADDitude: Jessica, I found your book to be incredibly thorough, helpful, and empowering. You synthesized the most important research and insights on ADHD, while also living with the executive function challenges that you were writing about. How did you do it?

Jessica: It was my dream to write and finish this book. I am not somebody who finishes long-term projects. I dropped out of community college. I dropped out of massage school. I got distracted from, quit, or was fired from a ton of jobs.

[Watch ADDitude’s Webinar with Jessica McCabe: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your ADHD Brain]

This is the first time I intentionally entered and completed a long-term project. It helped a lot that I already knew this information because I’d been learning about how my brain worked and where my challenges lay, and the strategies to support them.

ADDitude: What strategies did you use to manage this project?

Jessica: It was supposed to take me a year to write this book, but the first strategy I tried did not work at all. I asked the publisher in a meeting if I could get extra time because I knew I was going to need it. I got a lot of blank stares.

My next strategy was one of my favorites: working backward. I plugged in everything I needed to do over the course of the year. I also know that I tend to hyperfocus, so I gave myself four weeks during that year to just not work on the book or the YouTube channel, so that I wouldn’t die. I was like, “I don’t know what will happen if I hyperfocus on a project for a full year, but I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy. So let me give myself breaks.”

I also built in accountability. I told my editor, “I need you to be looking at each chapter as we go.” So I met with her regularly, and that accountability helped a lot.

I was still a few months late on the final project. But I just stayed in communication with my editor, letting her know, “I’m going to be a little bit late on this,” or “I need more time to edit that.” And she was really good about working with me and also letting me know, “We can’t give you any more extensions. We need this to be done at this point.”

There was a lot of communication, accountability, and planning ahead. I’m still in shock that it got done.

[Read: Everyday ADHD — Quirky Productivity Hacks for Easily Bored Brains]

ADDitude: You have a whole chapter on hyperfocus. Can you tell us more about the breakthroughs and exhaustion that came from this common ADHD trait?

Jessica: There’s a lot in my life that I would not have accomplished if it were not for hyperfocus. I do see it as a potential strength. But it can also be a problem because we can neglect our needs. I try to set up my environment or my time in such a way that I can slip into hyperfocus and take advantage of that really deep flow, but at the same time, put guardrails around it so that I don’t do permanent damage to myself. We know that a lot of people with ADHD end up with chronic pain and fibromyalgia [due to] neglecting our self-care, and part of that is because of hyper focus.

ADDitude: You wrote in the book that, when you started creating your How to ADHD videos, your plan was to research the condition so you could learn how to overcome your own ADHD struggles and become the person you were supposed to be. But by the end of your book, you land in a really different place. Can you tell us about that journey?

Jessica: At first, I thought, I can still have all these neurotypical goals and have this neurotypical life and have a clean house and a clean car and keep in touch with friends. I just have to do it in a way that’s ADHD-friendly. I was willing to accept that if my brain works differently, I might have to do things differently. But I wasn’t yet willing to accept the limits of using tools and strategies. No matter how many tools you have, the challenges are still there.

I still don’t have a clean car. I finally realized I need a housekeeper. I came to a place of acceptance, and it helped.

How to ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: Your ADHD Dopamine Menu Template
• Read: Get More Done with a Body Double
• Read: 8 Rules of Wellbeing — An Aid Kit for Women with ADHD
• Read: “I Don’t Need to Be Fixed!” Epiphanies of Self-Acceptance from Adults with ADHD
• Find: ADHD Specialists and Clinics Near You

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Distance runners anticipate difficulties and know to support themselves in any way possible to get to the finish line. It’s a given – they don’t think twice about it and don’t get hung up on it, either.

In our daily lives, especially as folks with ADHD, we fall into the trap of thinking we don’t need help, or that we’re wimpy if we accept help or create supportive structures for ourselves. Others don’t need this, we think.

Here’s that flawed logic applied to running: Why does the newbie runner need to stop and rest every half mile? The ultrarunner can go many miles before needing to stop. Therefore, the newbie must be a wimp, or worse, incapable.

A non-runner might assume this of a newbie, but ultrarunners know this couldn’t be farther from the truth. An early runner has needs, just as a later-stage runner does. Needs are needs.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

Once five miles becomes easy-peasy for the early runner, they realize they only arrived at that point because they gave themselves what they needed to be someone who can run five miles. With that experience, they’ll readily tell the next newbie runner to make sure to stop and rest the legs and heart every half mile. It’s the only way to get to five miles.

Needs are Needs: When Ultrarunning Meets Real Life

This logic – of supporting our needs to become who we want to be – applies to anything and everything. If we accept a tutor to help us, then eventually we’ll be someone who got through a class instead of one who didn’t. If we fully show up to therapy or coaching, then we eventually become someone who tackles the challenges in front of us instead of skirting them. If we externalize the content of our brains with systems, we become someone who forgets less rather than someone who continues to forget.

Guess who all these early-stage self-supporters become? People who make inroads into becoming the kind of person who has wins, and those wins beget more wins. The more support, the more wins.

I got to the point in my abilities as a runner that I would have said yes, without a second thought, if you asked me to run a 50-miler the following weekend.

When you read the prior sentence, did you picture me as someone who was so trained that I needed a lot less than an early-stage runner? I’ll let you in on a secret: I was a running diva. I had far more available at hand than an early-stage runner could imagine was possible. The more experienced I got, the more I learned how much support was out there to take for myself — and I took it.

[Read: My 25 Rules for Life — a Practical Cure for ADHD Shame and Stagnation]

I say this all the time to people: Do you think successful people have more support or less? They have far more, and it’s because they’re more likely to ask for it and give it to themselves.

Why would it be any different for us when the road to success means we’ll need to support our ADHD and account for our needs?

It wouldn’t.

The Long Haul with ADHD

Remembering to hand in work, showing up on time at work, getting out of a rabbit hole, staying on task, organizing our workspace, regulating our emotions — these are our daily five-mile runs.

Graduating from school, nabbing a promotion at work, becoming an accomplished person, becoming a person who has practiced options for staying calm in stressful situations — these are our long-distance runs.

The only way to become a champion — in anything — is to give ourselves what we need to push through. As you run your own race, take any and all support without question, without apology. That’s a champion mindset.

ADHD Life Lessons: Next Steps

• Read: 20 Rules to Live By — My ADHD Life Guide
• Read: Sports Psychology Tricks That Work for ADHD Brains
• Read: Your Strengths Inventory — Repairing Self-Esteem After an ADHD Diagnosis

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Back in the 1990s, I co-wrote one of the first three books laying out the proposition that adults could and do have ADD. It was called Adult ADD: A Reader Friendly Guide to Identifying, Understanding, and Treating Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (#CommissionsEarned). Unfortunately, the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, along with CHADD, the largest organization for parents with children with ADD, all disagreed with its premise.

In the Wild West days before the Internet, I was part of a small group that traveled around the country, speaking at conferences, and sharing information about adult ADD. One city at a time, we offered hope and help for adults who were struggling with something that didn’t officially exist.

[Read: ADHD in Adults Looks Different. Most Diagnostic Criteria Ignores This Fact.]

These were not the tightest-run conferences! Once, in San Francisco, I went to check into the conference hotel and the clerk stated that I had no room reserved. It turned out that the event coordinators failed to reserve any rooms for speakers to sleep in. Only conference rooms were reserved. A fellow event speaker said that, surely, no one would have made THAT mistake. But this was an ADD conference and, indeed, a mistake of this magnitude had been made.

An Adult ADHD Revolution Ignites

Speakers often gathered after these conferences to share ideas and information, as we early radicals trudged on. One member of our group, Stephen Copps, M.D., wrote one of the first books on treating adults who had ADD with medication. He was threatened with possible loss of his medical license. He was a pediatrician, and therefore, not trained to work with adults. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA) came to his defense, citing him as a pioneer in this field. His license was not revoked.

Information on adult ADD was banned from CHADD conferences until 2001. I had just written What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don’t? and I was the first to be permitted to speak on the topic. I was assigned a tiny room with a kitchen and bathroom because planners doubted there would be much interest. The room was flooded with people standing in the tub, sitting on the toilet, filling the halls, and listening outside windows. It was a pivotal event that marked the beginning of adult ADHD as a topic at conferences.

The early partnership between ADDA and CHADD was wrought with challenges. CHADD was walking the scientific-approved line, while ADDA was blazing a path forward. At one conference, I had to meet secretly with then-president of CHADD, Evelyn Polk Green. She snuck into my room late at night, in her pajamas, and we tried to find ways to build bridges.

[Read: Adult ADHD Is Misunderstood — Realistic Solutions for Managing Life, Time & Emotions]

ADDitude magazine was one of the earliest supporters of innovative ideas and information. Ellen Kingsley, the founder, gave me the opportunity to write some of the first published articles on adult ADHD. Susan Caughman, her successor, continued on this path, as ADHD coaching became the next forbidden topic to be challenged.  

Looking back, it’s amazing to see how far we’ve come.

Adult ADHD Is Real: Next Steps

• Free Download: How Common Is ADHD in Adults?
• Read: How Adults with ADHD Think
• Read: Why We Need U.S. Guidelines for Adults with ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share.

Your partner might say, “I know I have ADHD, or I suspect I do, but I don’t want to get an evaluation. I’m never going to actually do anything about it. Love me as I am.” I hear this in my practice. That person has every right to hold that point of view, and you have every right to respond in a way that helps you live your life as you wish.

Why It’s Important to Set Boundaries

You might say, “Okay, you’re sort of an absent-minded professor, and I enjoy that, and that’s just part of who you are.” Or you might say, “Actually, you’re angry at me a lot. You verbally beat me up a lot. There’s a ton of discord. If you wish to be that way, that’s fine. That’s your right. I can’t live with it.”

You might establish boundaries around what you want to live with and what isn’t acceptable to you. You might say, “I’d really like to see if I can convince you to think differently about this. Let’s talk about it some more.” And if this doesn’t produce a fruitful discussion, you might say, “You know what? I think we need to be separated for a while and see if this is going to work.”

So it isn’t a matter of coming to an agreement. It’s a matter of recognizing and accepting that your partner has a point of view and deciding what you want to do with it.

When Your Spouse Has ADHD: Next Steps

• Download: Emotional Regulation & Anger Management Scripts
• Read: Sick of Arguing? Time For a Smarter Compromise
• Search: Find an ADHD Specialist
• Read: I Think I Have ADHD: Adult Symptom & Diagnosis Guide

Melissa Orlov is a marriage consultant and the founder of ADHDmarriage.com.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Pondering what to watch tonight, I consider a multitude of options. And yet, I am irresistibly drawn back to the same three TV shows — ones I’ve indulged in far too many times to count over the past 20 years.

Rewatching TV Shows: The ADHD Explanation

So what are the three TV series that have captivated me for two decades? Drum roll, please!

1. Friends. As Chandler would say, this iconic sitcom is my lobster.
2. Charmed. The series cast a spell over me that hasn’t faded over time. I even started making my own Book of Shadows, which got lost when I moved out of my first apartment.
3. Grey’s Anatomy. I dreamed of becoming a surgeon because of this show (a nonsense dream now). Either way, I still love the show and learning all about strange diseases.

You might be thinking: What kind of sane person would watch the same handful of TV shows over and over? It’s a reasonable question that has even crossed my own mind. For me, it has just about everything to do with ADHD.

Tuning into a New Show Is a Chore

Diving into a brand-new TV series is difficult — even exhausting — with a brain that wrestles with attention and focus. The tiniest distractions are enough to pull me away from understanding the plot of a new show. I’ll decide to quickly scroll through Instagram before realizing that I missed a whole episode.

[Read: I Like TV the Way I Like Big Projects — In Small Chunks]

But with familiar TV shows, none of this is an issue. I can zone out and still know exactly what’s happening. I already know the twists and turns that lay ahead. I am spared the burden of memorizing character names and keeping track of complex storylines. I can fully engage with the story without constantly feeling like I’m missing something.

ADHD Needs Predictability

I already know your next question: Doesn’t watching the same shows get boring? Sure, novelty can be thrilling for those of us with ADHD. But it can also be overwhelming. That’s why a dash of predictability can be so soothing. Returning to my favorite TV shows gives my restless mind the sense of comfort and familiarity it often needs. They’re my escape from the wild world outside. When everything else spirals into a mess, at least I know that Ross and Rachel will survive their rollercoaster romance.

Decision Fatigue in the Golden Age of TV

Especially in today’s fast-paced world where new shows are released at astonishing rates, sticking to the same three feels like a no-brainer. While there’s so much great new content out there that teases the senses, it’s also a minefield of decision fatigue and mental exhaustion. I’ve caught myself aimlessly scrolling through streaming platforms for something new to put on, only to be overwhelmed by the minefield of choices just about every time. I’ve seen endless trailers for potential shows and have read countless series descriptions, but in the end, I usually give up and watch nothing.

If I stick with my tried-and-true series, it’s akin to choosing vanilla at the ice cream shop. I know it’s delicious, and it’s probably better than going for that weird flavor hiding chunks of bubblegum or Swedish fish.

[Read: “How a TV Show Helped Connect Me and My Teenage Son”]

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Of course, my unwavering devotion to these shows goes beyond ADHD. For one, they are shows that are just too good to let go. But they also hold a special place in my heart because they stood with me during some of the most challenging times of my life. They offered a much-needed escape when the weight of the world felt unbearable, and they provided a form of companionship when solitude threatened to consume me. Watching these shows over time has reminded me of where I am on my own journey, and the profound role these characters and their stories have played in shaping my own narrative.

Watching the Same Show Over and Over: Next Steps

• Read: Go Ahead and Treat Yo’ Self
• Read: You Know You Have ADHD When…
• Read: 9 Calming Strategies for a Racing, Restless Mind

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., a prominent author, scientist, and esteemed professor at Colorado State University, will talk about her journey growing up with autism in an era when children were routinely institutionalized following a diagnosis — and what helped her to follow her passions to world renown. It wasn’t until 2014 that the American Psychiatric Association revised the diagnostic criteria for autism and broadened the spectrum, which now ranges from boundary-pushing scientists and artists to individuals who need profound help with daily tasks. Grandin’s story is one of perseverance and success and has been an inspiration to many.

In this special webinar, you will learn about:

• How autism affected Temple at a young age (hypersensitivity to noise and other sensory stimuli) through high school, college, and beyond — and the importance of early intervention
• How understanding of and perceptions about autism have changed through the years, and how she helped to break the stigma
• What led her to become an animal behaviorist and creator of the “hug box,” a device to improve the stress of livestock during slaughter
• What to look for when a diagnosis is suspected
• How she came to understand her unique perspective on the world as an “object visualizer,” as she describes in her newest book, Visual Thinking

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Google Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO.

More on Autism Spectrum Disorder and Neurodiversity

• Download: Autism Evaluation Checklist
• Read: 10 Cherished Films with Neurodivergent Characters
• Read: Learning Strategies for Visual, Auditory, and Tactile Learners
• Read: Visual Thinking by Temple Grandin

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on August 1, 2023, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., a professor of animal science at Colorado State University, has been an outspoken advocate for people with autism and neurodiversity. In 2010, Grandin was named in the “Heroes” category of Time 100, an annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world. She also was the subject of the Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning biographical film that year, named Temple Grandin.

Grandin became an expert in the field of livestock behavior and facilities design. Her innovations transformed practices for the humane handling of livestock in slaughterhouses. She has received honorary degrees from many universities.

Listener Testimonials

“A real privilege to gain insight from Dr. Grandin. Many thanks to her for helping us understand how to better support our loved ones.”

“Thank you so much for this! My 18-year-old son was just diagnosed with ASD and we watched this webinar together so that he could learn more about it. Ms. Grandin was super informative and full of practical strategies and advice that made a lot of sense to us. She was intelligent and also funny. What a great introduction to the autism community!”

“Talking with someone who can shine a light on other aspects of neurodiverse thinking styles is so very helpful! Thank you for today’s topic and speaker, Dr. Temple Grandin. She is one of my heroes!”

Webinar Sponsor

The sponsor of this ADDitude webinar is….

Inflow is the #1 app to help you manage your ADHD. Developed by leading clinicians, Inflow is a science-based self-help program based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy. Join Inflow today to better understand & manage your ADHD.

ADDitude thanks our sponsors for supporting our webinars. Sponsorship has no influence on speaker selection or webinar content.

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Molly Seidel is one of only three American women to medal in the Olympics in one of the most brutal of events, the marathon. Even with all her triumphs in competition, perhaps what is even more remarkable about Molly is her candor and courage in discussing and addressing a series of mental health challenges.

Molly Seidel was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) while studying and competing as a Division I athlete at the University of Notre Dame. She continued to compete through college, winning several NCAA championships, before seeking treatment for eating disorders. It wasn’t until years later — after medaling at the Tokyo Olympics in 2021 and finishing fourth with a personal best in the 2021 NYC Marathon — that Molly discovered the root source of her ongoing mental health challenges: attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

“When I speak publicly about being diagnosed with ADHD and get absolutely flamed online for it, it’s frustrating and a little bit heart breaking sometimes because I know there are other people out there who are dealing with this,” Molly said in a recent conversation with WebMD. “One of the reasons that I didn’t get help earlier, when I was in high school or in college, is because I didn’t have the role models speaking out about this. Everybody who was at the pro level running then seemed like these perfect people, and I was like, Why doesn’t my brain work?”

“I do think we’re getting to a point where there is a lot more acceptance,” said Molly, who suffered a race-ending hip injury during the 2022 Boston Marathon. “I think the Tokyo Olympics was this watershed moment for mental health, but there is still so much stigma and so much hatred out there that we need to be aware of… Athletes are real people with real mental health issues.”

Read the full transcript of this video interview with Molly Seidel on Medscape.

It was the first time I learned that I was expected to behave like everyone else, and that I was falling short at that. That same lesson would show up throughout my childhood; I was in constant trouble at home for doing things that felt out of my control — things I would only realize many years later were symptoms of undiagnosed ADHD. It was the same situation in school, except the color of my skin made me an even larger target.

A Visible Minority with Undiagnosed ADHD

At an ultra-white French-immersion school in a primarily white city in Canada, I was already different enough. Undiagnosed ADHD only amplified my otherness.

I was told my hair was “not normal,” so my mother straightened it with harsh chemicals. I looked slightly more palatable, but I paid a high price by damaging my hair and scalp.

I will never forget the day we were instructed to draw portraits. One of my classmates looked at the dark face I drew and said, “Eww, why would you make your person brown?” I heard comments like these all the time.

[Read: “I Could Have Been Myself for So Much Longer”]

Every stereotype I didn’t fulfill was an excuse for more mockery. I cannot count the number of times I’ve been at the receiving end of comments about my lack of rhythm or inability to dance. (I later learned that clumsiness is common in ADHD.) I still remember my teammates’ disappointment when I failed to live up to the expectation that my Blackness would make me automatically good at sports. (In retrospect, I can see that failure in athletics was less about raw ability and more about my inability to understand the rules of any sport.)

My peers called me “weird” because I struggled to read social cues. My teachers frequently relocated my desk to the hallway to stop me from talking to my classmates, or to drown out the sound of my voice, as I often had to read aloud to myself to understand the material.

Why My ADHD Was Overlooked

It’s said that children with ADHD receive 20,000 negative messages about themselves by age 10 — likely far more than their neurotypical counterparts. This negative messaging did not abate as I got older. Undiagnosed ADHD in high school meant I rushed through assignments, crammed for tests, and often lost my schoolwork. My friends teased me for being “random” and hinted that I was of lower intelligence due to my struggles in school. And as a visible minority, my teachers and others were quick to view me as rebellious, lazy, irresponsible, messy, and rude — and couldn’t fathom that I was struggling with a neurodevelopmental condition.

ADHD is highly hereditary and (while far be it from me to diagnose others) my parents, also distracted and forgetful, didn’t see anything “off” about the challenges I faced just to manage everyday life. My academic career was certainly not helped by the fact that they couldn’t help me keep track of my assignments, or drop me off at school on time.

[Read: Why ADHD Is Different for People of Color]

I know stigma in my community partially explains why I didn’t receive help early on. My family also saw mental health issues as spiritual problems to be prayed about, not as problems that required medical treatment. General distrust of the medical system, which has historically been discriminatory and harmful toward visible minorities, was also a factor.

Older, Wiser, and Hopeful

As an adult — and finally armed with the knowledge of my diagnosis — I may be wiser and more capable, but the challenges of being a neurodivergent person of color are ever present. Some people perceive me as too loud, talkative, irresponsible, lazy, or “out there.” I still hear ignorant comments about my ethnic background, and I’ve been the victim of racial stereotyping and discrimination at work. I’ve also been dismissed from positions after I disclosed my ADHD diagnosis.

Experiencing double discrimination is not easy. Still, I have hope that current and future generations will work to ensure that people like me are given the same opportunities that others have, from early diagnosis and treatment to unconditional acceptance and respect.

Racial Discrimination and Undiagnosed ADHD: Next Steps

• Read: Why We Must Achieve Equitable ADHD Care for African American and Latinx Children
• Read: We Need to Talk About ADHD Stigma in BIPOC Communities
• Read: Having “The Talk” with Black Children Impacted by ADHD and Race
• Read: The Ultimate ADD Accommodation — Ending the Systemic Oppression That Leaves Me Unbelieved, Untrusted, Unsupported

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To that end, we recently asked ADDitude readers to share a moment they felt thankful for a specific trait associated with their ADHD. Read their responses below. Which ADHD characteristics do you appreciate most? Tell us in the Comments section.

ADHD Characteristic I Love: Hyperfocus

“I started my own business from home when my children were small, and I couldn’t afford nursery fees. I had to work evenings as that was the only time I wasn’t running after three kids. Since getting my ADHD diagnosis, I can now see that my ability to work from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. was due to hyperfocus. At the time, I just knew I had to do it, so I powered through without sleep several nights a month.”— Anna

“The trait that comes most to mind is my hyperfocus in my work as a therapist. My hyperfocus allows me to be very present with my clients, and the forgetting, disorganization, and time mismanagement that frustrates the heck out of me (and others) almost melt away. I do need to be mindful of my impulsivity and tendency to interrupt because I get excited about some breakthrough statement a client is expressing, and I want to jump in right there. But I can catch myself a couple of words into my interruption and quickly say, ‘I’m sorry, go ahead.’ So far, they almost always do.” — An ADDitude Reader

“I was studying for a calculus final exam and had the uncanny ability to block out all external noise. My professor suggested that I may have ADHD and was correct! After I was diagnosed, I learned about the term hyperfocus. I did well in the calculus class, which I attribute to my ADHD. Hyperfocus can be mentally draining but is necessary at times.” — Dovid, Michigan

[Self-Test: Could You Have ADHD? Symptoms in Adults]

ADHD Characteristic I Love: Creativity

“Creativity is definitely my best ADHD trait. As a music teacher, it has helped keep my students (and me) engaged. I had my classes write songs about math or reading, and I once wrote an entire Christmas musical one act at a time. I have episodes of anxiety and depression but writing poetry and music helps bring me out of my funk. My creativity has blessed me at every stage of my life. Now my grandkids and I write songs or make videos, and I use my piano-playing skills to do sing-a-longs at the nursing home where my mom resides. Yes, being ADHD is a rollercoaster ride, but I do love the thrills along the way!” — Debbie

“Creativity is head and shoulders the best ADHD trait for me. So, while I can’t think linearly to save my life or make decisions easily, the sheer number of connections my brain makes in a day brings me the most joy. I have never completely lost my childlike wonder or curiosity. I’m grateful for this trait every day. It keeps me going when everything else becomes an unbearable grind. If only I could find a career where this was my most frequent ‘job duty,’ I would find my calling in life.”— An ADDitude Reader

“This weekend, I choreographed an entire solo dance number for next week’s performance. ADHD played into my waiting until the last minute, but it also helped me buckle down and quickly invent and memorize four minutes of choreography in three hours. I’m thankful for the creativity and passion ADHD gives me that allows me to accomplish things like that. And although I normally hate it, I guess I need to give hyperfocus a shoutout as well!” — An ADDitude Reader

ADHD Characteristic I Love: Impulsivity

“I’m thankful that my lack of impulse control made me ask my husband if we could get married after we first met. I just knew he was my person, and lucky for me, he didn’t run away! We’ve been happily married for 12 years now!” — An ADDitude Reader

[Free Download: 3 Defining Features of ADHD That Everyone Overlooks]

ADHD Characteristic I Love: Curiosity

“I am never bored. I see the extraordinary in ordinary events and places and people. I also always have ‘play’ in mind.” — Susan, Canada

ADHD Characteristic I Love: Great People Skills

“My ‘superpower’ is the ability to read people exceptionally well and to see underlying currents that others don’t. It has helped me excel in my career in HR. I can walk into a room and instantly tell you what is going on.” — Charlie, Australia

ADHD Characteristics: Next Steps

• Free Guide: Benefits of ADHD: 25 Strengths
• Read: 17 Things to Love About Your ADHD!
• Read: Positives of ADHD: What I Would Never Trade

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So prosaic, in fact, they don’t look much like superpowers at all: Lethargy. Impulsivity. Substance abuse. Chronic distractibility. Abject frustration. Unemployment. Neuroses. Irritability.

The Misadventures of ADHD-Man

Who can forget Marvel Comics #27? ADHD-Man rises after noon to defeat leftover takeout and doom scroll on Twitter while nursing a nagging urge to do something productive.

That obviously isn’t a real comic. And ADHD isn’t a real superpower. Not when I was a kid, and not today as others proudly brandish the irony-tinged proclamation across social media.

Don’t get me wrong: I understand why some people would refer to their ADHD symptoms as superpowers. I understand that it’s meant, in part, to communicate the neuroatypical advantages we have, like hyperfocus, boundless energy, and creativity. But these traits are a small part of the ADHD puzzle. Because what good is a creative brain, say, if it’s unable to apply itself? That isn’t cool; that’s Kafka.

[Read: 7 Myths About ADHD… Debunked!]

And yes, I also get that “ADHD is my superpower” is a defiant two-finger salute to a world that tries to tear neurodivergent people down. It’s also a nice thing to say to kids who are struggling with identity and ADHD.

I know what you’re thinking: Why am I getting worked up over something fairly benign? Because I was ADHD-Man for a long time. In my darkest days of pre-treatment, I was a substance-abusing, suicidal mess. I didn’t feel like a superhero. I didn’t even feel human.

Let’s Be Honest: There’s Nothing Romantic About ADHD

Historically misunderstood conditions enjoy greater recognition today than ever before. But there is much more work to be done. I’m certain a “What is ADHD?” vox pop on my city’s streets would produce more than a few shoulder shrugs and remarks like, “Oh, is ADHD the one where all the kids run about crazy and the parents give them ricin, or vitamins, or whatever to calm them down? That one?”

In the ongoing fight to raise much-needed awareness around ADHD, it’s vital we don’t romanticize it. Pithy expressions do little to help people with ADHD when they’re called unproductive at work or disruptive in the classroom. Instead of being cute, we should be clear.

[Read: 10 Things I Wish the World Knew About ADHD]

We should explain the endless love-loss pattern of hyperfixation that scuppers our chances of gaining proficiency in a hobby and often leaves us with clutter: unstrummed guitars in the closet; squash-racquets-turned-fly swatters; forgotten knitting needles threatening to rise from beneath the couch cushions. Others should know about our internal chaos and total inability to apply ourselves despite having the desire to do something, anything, other than perform an infinite start-stop loop.

We should explain the truly ugly side of ADHD. The stuff that, left unchecked, can cap a person’s potential and ruin their life. The consequences of missing a diagnosis in childhood. The yo-yoing employment status in adulthood. The susceptibility to substance abuse and other negative outcomes.

But nobody’s going to put all that in a Twitter bio.

Treatment Is the Real Superpower

The antidote to ADHD isn’t #slogans; it’s medication, therapy, and exercise. It’s formulating a game plan and running it each and every day so you don’t end up like ADHD-Man.

When I think back to my life before I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 32, it makes me doubly grateful for where I am now.

To me, the true superheroes are the people — far cleverer than I — who were able to devise solutions to help those like me. Thanks to them, I’m able to take a pill each morning that allows me to make healthy decisions, gives me greater control of executive functions, and helps me concentrate on tasks to a level that ADHD-Man never thought possible.

ADHD Superpowers: Next Steps

• Take Action: 31 Ways to Raise ADHD Awareness
• Read: “How My Understanding of ADHD Has Evolved Over Time”
• Read: The Tricky Thing About ADHD Superpowers

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

I was luckier than most, blessed with an early diagnosis of inattentive ADHD in the First Grade after my parents and teachers voiced major concerns about my distractibility and impulsivity. My diagnosis was an important starting point, but it was no silver bullet. If anything, it felt like my “problematic” behaviors were simply assigned a different name.

The Reality of Being a Black Girl with ADHD

Even with a diagnosis, I never felt like teachers, coaches, and other adults in my life fully understood me. (Except for my supportive parents — something so many go without.) Many of my teachers made no attempts to hide their biases, and often saw me as an impulsive, misbehaving student rather than one struggling with symptoms of a condition.

Day in and day out, I wasn’t given the space to fully explore my identity and understand myself, ADHD and all. Instead, society dished out shame, accused me of being lazy, and provided no support for a neurodivergent mind like mine.

This is, unfortunately, an all-too-common reality for young Black girls with ADHD in this country – especially those who go undiagnosed.

[Read: Why ADHD Is Different for People of Color]

ADHD doesn’t discriminate by gender or race. Yet boys are more likely than girls to receive a formal diagnosis of ADHD, and white children are more likely than Black children to receive an ADHD diagnosis. These gaps stem from the antiquated, gendered, and racist stereotypes that surround perceptions of ADHD. As a result, Black girls and women experience disproportionate delays in symptom identification and treatment, which can cause a host of other issues, like anxiety and low self-esteem.

Finding a Sense of Belonging

Though I had my diagnosis, I lacked a sense of community for many, many years. I needed peers and allies who truly understood me and saw my ADHD for the superpower it can be, rather than a deficit or disability.

I finally found this all-important, life-changing sense of belonging during my junior year at Radford University, after begrudgingly following my mom’s advice to join a club. I joined Eye to Eye, a community built by and for people who learn differently, like me. I couldn’t believe that such a community existed. My self-confidence and self-love blossomed. By my senior year, I was in charge of the university’s entire chapter, serving as a mentor to younger students with learning differences.

A Movement Underway

After graduating from college, I joined Eye to Eye’s team, where I’ve dedicated my professional career to bringing after-school mentorship programs — and a sense of community and acceptance — to young people who are just like me.

[Read: 5 Truths About the Beauty of Neurodiversity That I Had to Live to Learn]

Eye to Eye and other peer-to-peer mentorship programs are part of a turning tide – a widescale movement that highlights neurodiversity and acceptance of all people. Recently, Eye to Eye organized a conference at the University of Denver, where hundreds of neurodiverse youth discussed their lived experiences, the state of education for people with learning differences, and future directions for policymakers.

The signs of progress are widespread. Political leaders like New York City Mayor Eric Adams and California Governor Gavin Newsom have leaned into their experiences as people who learn differently and unveiled plans to better support neurodiverse youth in their states. Artists like Beyoncé and Lizzo have adjusted their art in the name of inclusivity and respect. And social media platforms such as LinkedIn have altered their features to celebrate the benefits neurodiverse employees bring to the workplace.

I am so proud to be a part of the team at the helm of this movement. More importantly, these signs of change give me so much hope that young, Black, neurodivergent girls today won’t have to go through what I did just to discover their amazing selves.

Neurodiversity Movement: Next Steps

• Read: Stop Fighting Your Child’s Neurodiversity
• Read: “Here’s What Happened When I Revealed My ADHD on LinkedIn”
• Read: “Happily Neurodivergent — at Last”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.