Q: “How Can I Stop People-Pleasing Behaviors at Work?”
“Behind perfectionism lies a self-loathing belief that things must be flawless, or else. In your case, you likely think that doing things perfectly all the time and saying yes to it all is what is keeping you employed. It’s time to start to challenge those beliefs.”
Q: “My perfectionism and people pleasing make me a good employee, but I also know that these tendencies cause me to burn out. How can I set boundaries while still being productive?”
A lot of us have learned to survive in the workplace by being impossibly easygoing and pleasant. We’re afraid we’re going to screw up (rejection sensitive dysphoria amplifies these worries), so we think our bosses and co-workers will give us a break if we’re nice enough and go the extra mile. Our ADHD brains might even get a dopamine hit when we show our supervisors that they can count on us, no questions asked — even if it means falling behind on other priorities. These coping mechanisms — which are really self-sabotaging behaviors — are especially familiar to high-performing women with ADHD.
Behind perfectionism lies a self-loathing belief that things must be flawless, or else. In your case, you likely think that doing things perfectly all the time and saying yes to it all is what is keeping you employed. It’s time to start to challenge those beliefs.
[Self-Test: 14 Questions That Reveal Symptoms of Burnout]
Every day, when you start work, write down your priorities. This list becomes your dashboard — your guide through the day. When unexpected tasks or requests come in, refer back to your priority list. If your boss suddenly appears before you with a fire to put out, accept the task while politely asking which task from your priority list should be replaced. If it’s colleagues who come your way for help, kindly tell them that you can add their item to tomorrow’s priority list, since today’s agenda is already planned out.
Getting in the habit of establishing and adhering to boundaries will take time. You’ll be pushed out of your comfort zone and, I hope, see that you can still be a good, productive employee without resorting to self-sabotaging behaviors.
People-Pleasing Behaviors and ADHD: Next Steps
- Free Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for Prioritization
- Read: Simplify Your ADHD Life by Learning to Say “No”
- Read: Rising from ADHD Burnout
- Watch: Work Productivity Strategies for Adults with ADHD
The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Interrupt the Cycle of Self-Sabotage in the New Year” [Video Replay & Podcast #492] with Tamara Rosier, Ph.D., which was broadcast on February 15, 2024.
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